meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
