bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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