I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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