I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
