I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
