she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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