Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
