I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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