Nicole vs. Life
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
