It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
