believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
