whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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