I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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