forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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