Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
