Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
