we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
