I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
