Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
