some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
