New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
