Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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