She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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