Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
