dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
