Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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