All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
