just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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