if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize