the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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