One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
