I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
