Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
