I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
