He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
