im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
