is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
