I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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