i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
