apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
