Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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