Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
