My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
