Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
