remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
