watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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