I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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