Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
