Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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