If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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