How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
