what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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