i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
