Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
