I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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