i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
