she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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