It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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