she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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