i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
