I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
