I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
